The Fail Orc Hero and the Badass Knightess
by Amitabh
Summary: A parody of porn. Though not as crazy as most parodies. 'nuff said, just read it. No offense towards the author of The Orc Hero and the Knightess. Rated T for language.


Disclaimer: Again, I don't own Ragnarok Online nor the company that makes and maintains it, nor the fanfic The Orc Hero and the Knightess. (And I would be ashamed if I did.) The P.O.V: Third Person was nearly entirely ripped from the story (Which is on AFF; don't read it if you're squeamish), I know.

Yes, it's really, really short, but I take this as something to do when I'm bored- and now I understand the hardships and time it takes to write an (about) 950-word story. My legs are killing me.

Finally, this is just a bad parody and is not to be taken seriously.

* * *

**The (Fail) Orc Hero and the Badass Knightess**

P.O.V: Third Person

Julia, a Pronteran knightess, ran through thickets of bush and passed by several large trees. The roars of the orcs trailed behind her. Her Pecopeco was shot down by the Orc Archers just four minutes ago, and she was forced to escape using her pair of legs instead. She was being hunted; the Orc Lord called for a large horde to pursue her just as she stepped into the orc's territory.

Arrows were constantly firing towards her direction, yet all missed her and hit the trunks of the numerous trees with a 'thud'. However, she was soon confronted by a troupe of orcs which happened to be hunting and was forced to battle with them.

She swiftly dodged an Orc Warrior's incoming blow and retaliated by swiping her claymore at the thick, green neck, succeeding in removing the ugly head off its roots. Corpses of different types of orcs littered onto the ground before her and mounted up, yet more stepped over the corpse and took over the fallen orc's place.

Just as she swung her claymore, about to finish off another orc, the blade hit against the steel axe which was thrust out of nowhere and, to the knightess' horror, shattered into pieces. Weaponless, she was immediately overwhelmed by the Orc Lord's horde, which swarmed over her like Creamies swarming over nectars of a huge flower.

Multiple firm hands grabbed her, tangling her tousled green hair and twisting her arms towards her back as they did. No matter how hard she struggled, no matter how fiercely she fought, she had no chance against the orcs' strength. She was brutally forced onto the ground as they stripped her armor (except her and wristguards, as the orcs had a belief of letting defeated enemies keep one piece of armor on, as a sign of respect) off, revealing her tanned, slick skin; the tight-fitting cloth she wore inside her armor, wrapped around her breasts tightly to keep them from jiggling around; her black linen panties. Julia let out a terrified cry as the Orc Lord smiled a disgusting grin towards her, and then frowned. Powerful hands rested upon her shoulders, and traced her sleek, warrior's lines; her slim, beautiful stomach that she worked tirelessly to keep unblemished, her well-toned muscles and her strong legs…

The Orc Lord seemed to grunt in satisfaction, and roared out loudly to the troupe of orcs. Swiftly, she was bound and gagged, ready to be taken back to the Orc Village.

P.O.V: First Person

I slept on the way to the village and woke up tied to a pole. The shape of an Orc Hero loomed over me. He raised his sword into the air and sliced my bonds off. I was, for a moment, too surprised to move. Then I sensed (or, more accurately, heard) an Orc Warrior approaching behind me and the jingling of handcuffs. I should know that sound; I had captured quite a few criminals in my time. I had to think fast or I would end up like the knightess in one of the cautionary tales I had heard from my mother when I was young; I'm still not very sure what that very graphic and traumatizing (My mother was later arrested on child abuse charges and sent to a mental institution) tale was supposed to caution against; not anything that I could prevent due to caution, for sure. I quickly dropped and rolled up under the Orc Hero's skirt; without my armor, I sure as hell was much more acrobatic. The next part of this tale may shock and disgust you. I quickly bashed my head upwards; it was faster than using my fists. The result was much better than I had hoped for; the Orc Hero cried out in pain and fell down. I instantly jumped out from under his skirt, taking the sharp swords that had fallen from his hands off the ground. I then followed one of the pieces of advice my (I repeat, insane) mother gave me pertaining to hostile humanoids; 'When in doubt, cut it's fuckin' balls off-and when not in doubt, cut it's whole motherfuckin' cock off.' The Orc Hero, being on the ground, never had a chance. I stood up in the pool of blood, ripped my gag off and heard myself saying,"Who wants some!?" Evidently everybody did. I screamed the word "Bash!" and bashed an orc's head in. "Auto Counter!" I said, and waited for someone to dare to hit me. I didn't have to wait long. I blocked with my wristguard (strictly against the rules, as armor costs thousands of zeny, but I would die if I didn't use them to block their axes.) and sliced clean through him. I then shouted "Magnum Break!" and killed all the orcs instantly. Through all this, the Orc Hero was still alive. I debated with myself the option of letting him bleed to death slowly castrated, but then decided to just lop his head off and steal his helmet. I got my armor, which was on a nearby table, and ran off before the Orc Lord came back from wherever he was. All in all, a rewarding day. Besides, other than the helmet, I learned something- bashing your head into an Orc Hero's balls actually works.

* * *

AN: I don't like stories with bad endings, so I modified one to have a good ending. So sue me. I have nothing against the original story, I just like (a little) humor over rape.

And I know this story sucks.


End file.
